Chronic Fatigue
My Journey with Chronic Fatigue- in brief
This is my journey with Chronic Fatigue over the last 28 years. I am not a medic, however I do have a story to tell which you might connect with. Chronic Fatigue, ME, Fibromyalgia – at that time, the early ‘90s, they were all looked on as cop outs, psychological ‘illnesses’, never taken seriously. I am hopeful that this may be changing now.
My story started in 1993, although when I look back further I see mild symptoms hovering. My stress levels were at a high – separation from my then husband, moving house, a job promotion with a 50 mile daily commute each way. I also fell into a new relationship complete with children and a disinterested ex-wife.
It was no wonder that in the May I contracted influenza. Not a heavy cold, but proper “knocked out for 2 weeks ‘flu”. I lost days to fever. Whilst I was recovering I contracted a chest infection and was prescribed antibiotics. I went back to work as soon as possible. A career girl, 29 years old, I had the bob and the white VW golf; it was the time of the yuppie and you didn’t stand still, especially for illness.
I dragged myself around at work. Any excuse to sit in the office, but no ability to concentrate when there. I ached in my joints, in my muscles, like toothache all over my body, and put it down to ‘flu after effects. If I put my feet up on a stool I would struggle to move my legs off again – moving hurt so much. I was scared, terrified. The ridiculous drive to work alone exhausted me, but it was beyond exhaustion. It was a tiredness I couldn’t explain, and aching that went beyond an ache.
Soon it was obvious I was failing as a manager. I couldn’t manage myself let alone a team working in a busy kitchen, organise functions, run an office. My boss asked me to see a doctor. The GP couldn’t find any signs of infection but gave me another round of antibiotics; we didn’t question taking them back then. I was also prescribed beta blockers, do not ask me why! I was signed off work.
I spent the next 6 months lying in bed or on the sofa, unable to get up. On the odd occasion I felt strong enough, I drove the 200 miles to see my parents. My mother was distraught to see the state I was in. By mid summer I couldn’t walk without painkillers and an inhaler. She still reminds me of one day when we were out in the countryside; we thought connecting with nature would help. The short walk we chose took us hours. We had to keep stopping, I was in tears with the pain and the feeling of being so useless.
I remember mum coming to stay and having to do chores around the house and garden as the place was a tip. Far from my little palace that I bought after the separation.
After 6 months, my boss offered me redundancy. I accepted as I couldn’t see when I would have the energy to drive that far every day and fulfil my job. I concentrated on getting well.
My strategy included a decent vitamin tablet daily, upping my intake of water, a short daily walk and sleep. This was 1993 and we didn’t know much about nutrition then. We certainly didn’t have search engines. Everything I did was self exploratory. I ate proper meals. It sounds simple, but as I worked in catering I didn’t eat properly. Also I had a history of being a heavy smoker and surviving on gallons of black coffee. I gave up smoking and drank 1 cup of coffee a day. On good days I took a longer walk or a drive in nature. I gave myself permission to sleep and have a down day after a day that included activity. I took myself off the beta blockers. I knew there was no quick fix.
After a while I decided things would be better if I lived near my parents. I went to stay with a friend. It all sounds bonkers now! I took a job, managing catering again but in a smaller establishment at the beginning of December – I handed in my notice on the 20th. I could feel it starting again – the aches, the need for down days. I was nowhere near recovered. I moved back to my little house and took stock. I needed to work but I also needed to look after my energy.
I found a training centre for these new things called computers. I signed up for courses in Windows, Word, Excel and other software programmes. I learnt to type and took exams. This I could cope with. I rested in-between courses. It was working! My energy slowly started to return. At the weekends I was taking longer walks. I was cooking meals and starting to do my own cleaning. The sense of achievement was immense.
After a while, and before the redundancy money ran out, I felt able to try a temping job, part time. After a few months I even took on a full time job … and managed.
Fast forward a couple of years. We decided to move closer to my parents, boyfriend, children and me. We couldn’t move into the house straight away so we stayed in a caravan which was good fun, but the moves took their toll plus settling the children into new schools. I began to feel tired again … and just when I least expected it I fell pregnant. I’d taken a part-time job which was manageable and had a good pregnancy. No sickness and plenty of energy. I was lucky. I have been in touch with some who suffered with CFS solely during pregnancy. My pregnancy seemed to take it away, as did feeding and the first year of my baby’s life. I was naive enough to think I was ‘cured’.
I was a full time step mother to 2 girls, a mother to my own baby. My partner worked two jobs so that I could stay at home. It didn’t make financial sense to pay for childcare for 3 children, and I wanted to be a hands on mum. The girls were by now 13 and 8. The 13 year old became increasingly difficult and it’s easy to see why. This isn’t the place to go into the why’s and wherefores, however her behaviour together with my lack of experience to manage her, brought symptoms careering back. Aching, constantly tired, unable to cope … depression came along. This was the start of years of counselling for me and the girls.
Yoga came into my life. It was one of those dawning moments when I went to my first class. Why oh why hadn’t I come across classes anywhere before? I’d always been drawn to aerobics and swimming, walking. I’d never come across a yoga class! The closest I’d come was doing the floor exercises in a Jane Fonda book in the mid ‘80s! The depression eased, I learnt to manage my energy, I could find a quiet healing space within.
Yoga has since helped me cope with my father’s illness and consequent death, grief, the trials of watching children growing into adults. Yoga helped me with work, and eventually I trained to teach.
Now there is just me and my husband at home with 2 dogs. There are still days when I struggle to put one foot in front of the other. Illness knocks me for six and it takes me a long time to recover. I use my strategies. I know I am lucky.
Thanks to the increased availability of teaching trainings online, I have trained in Teaching Yoga for Stress, Fatigue and Burnout and am now ready to offer my first course. I am sooooo excited to share the tools I have learnt together with my own experiences and to learn about your experiences. https://www.judidoesyoga.com/yoga-courses.
If anything in my brief story rings true, please do get in touch if you’d like to chat.
I hear of more and more people suffering with energy, and some very young people. Perhaps your story isn’t burnout as mine is, but we might still have something to share. I’d love to hear from you. If you would like to know more about my courses for Fatigue, Stress and Burnout please drop me an email.
Judi x
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